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Choosing Hope

by Taylor Gilkey Laird November 04, 2019 0 Comments

Once you choose hope, anything is possible.
I chose hope the moment I woke up post spinal surgery and realized my legs didn’t work. I had a strange peace about me despite waking up to one of the darkest realities (I’m sure the dilaudid helped).  I had no clue how long or trying this journey would be but I’ve been committed since day one. I’ll tell you that while this journey is beyond exhausting, it’s also been the greatest testament of what Faith, persistence, hope, commitment and love can do. Not only for myself, but for my amazing husband, family and friends who have been here with me every step of the way. 
I’ve been very public in sharing my journey to walk again, but I don’t always talk about the day to day struggles. If you’re a close friend or family member, you’ve seen first hand how despite being pretty handicapped, I still  say “yes” to almost EVERYTHING.  Being in a wheelchair is inconvenient, but it’s not the end of the world. I get to enjoy many things in life that many others do not have the privilege to. What does make life hard like really really hard is P A I N.. I am in NO way discounting the pain any or all of you have felt out there, but over the course of this last year, I have experienced fits of pain so deep that I thought I was going to pass out. Pain sent straight from the devil himself. And I’m DONE, I’m done with the pain. To give you an idea of what this pain feels like, imagine your legs are Slim Jim’s that have been dunked in lava, then coated in lead (they heavy mofos) and then electrocuted  in the knees, ankles and toes. The toes are another story, my left big toe more specifically. Ole lefty often feels like it’s been blowup by a grenade. I’m not exaggerating. It’s wicked shit. Not to mention, most nights I wake up from leg pain triggered by my bed sheets. Hypersensitivity is also real SOB. This pain, which has now been diagnosed as CRPS (look it up if ya please) was onset no doubt by my 15 hour spinal surgery. My entire body, my entire nervous system has been SHOOK. 

I make this post only to share knowledge, not for sympathy because while this situation is cruddy, it doesn’t have to be permanent. While I whole heartily believe in the power of prayer and miracles, I believe that knowledge is power. So I’ve been praying for knowledge. I’ve been praying for a solution. I’ve been praying to find the right resources that can help me heal, from the inside out. 

After receiving zero pain relief from prescriptions/exercises prescribed by numerous doctors and pain management specialist, you start to go a bit mad. Thank God for the World Wide Web and the endless information that is shared from people all over the world. 

While l was perusing the internet about a month ago I stumbled upon a clinic  in Fayetteville, AR that specializes in pain relief for symptoms that some doctors consider “hopeless”.  They are a neurology and brain based chiropractic technique meets functional medicine to aid the nervous system to overcome chronic pain and neurological disorders. Matt and had a consultation with the  main doctor who runs the clinic and we were immediately filled with hope. So I read her book (which is fascinating and I would highly recommend to anyone, not just someone dealing with neuro issues or chronic pain). I also followed up with 6 patients who had been through the rehab program. ALL success stories. Many of these individuals showed up in wheelchairs and left walking. WHAT?! Sound too good to be true? I don’t think so. 

Sooo this is where my perpetual journey to heal has taken me. I head to the Spero Clinic in December and will be there for 12 weeks. As you’d imagine, I’m a bit nervous. While The Spero Clinic is not my last resort in helping my pain, it’s the greatest shot I have at truly healing. I’d rather not put a bandaid on my pain with a spinal cord stimulator or a DRG implant. I’d like to give my body the chance at getting back to a good baseline without another surgery or prescription, crazy ... I know. 

I plan to document every step of this journey via blog (so I don’t bore the most of ya). My mission is to get better, but if I can help anyone out there along the way who might be feeling helpless post spinal cord injury or someone dealing with chronic pain, I will feel accomplished. This journey has taught me SO much about life, including whatever you send into the universe comes back. So I’m going to give BIG, even if it’s just information for now.

And per usual, THANK YOU for the continued prayers, they’re heard! Keep them coming please, especially in the next few months! I’m eternally grateful! 

xo- Taylor

Taylor Gilkey Laird
Taylor Gilkey Laird